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That smile...don't forget that smile!


I want to keep up my objective of a happy outlook on life this year. In the face of adversity, stress, depression, and denial, I want to be able to look upon the situation at hand and know I am centrally happy. I have read of this in many Upanishads. I have studied the ways of the Rishis, and have dreamed of being at one with myself as they claim to have been. Life in an office is rather different to penance in an Indian Jungle, but I guess you could say there are some similarities. There are snakes in both places for instance.

Anyway, why the rambling? Well today I was pushed a little towards losing the balance I have thus far maintained this month. I was hard at work, trying to establish a wonderful relationship between us and someotherteam, and then I discover that said team have been trying to take me for a fool and make me do hard graft on a whim so that they can continue a fallacy of politics. I thought I handled things well, keeping the meeting going as the realisation dawned on me, and immediately tried to set an action going to remedy the problem so as to get the true root of the issue at hand.

I walked back to my desk, and after a while someone whom I had been badgering to help us fix the issue called, asking whether he was still needed tomorrow to continue in the work. This person is eternally humble, a wonderful character, and about the same age as my uncles. I respect him deeply and I couldn't help but tell him the truth. I apologised profusely, bowing verbally on the phone and told him that I have learnt that I had been trying to rope him into a fix that really wasnt proven to be his problem, and that now I knew this fact, I was focusing on getting the proof I lacked as to where the problem really was. He was entirely understanding and wished me well in my search.

So there I sat. Totally dismayed, embarrased and deeply upset that people were trying to take me for a ride. I had done them no wrong. I had helped them infact. I knew they were like that, but I was embarassed that I hadn't been fully diligent in looking at facts prior to taking on the case (it was given to me by my boss). So then I thought, was the boss in on it too? So many actual and potential knives, I hit bottom.

Then I sat up, smiled and carried on. Despite what would happen, I would continue knowing I did no wrong, nor did I intend on doing wrong, nor would I EVER try to do a person wrong intentionally. That is where my smile comes from. That is where it will always come from.

Bad hair day?


This morning was fun. I had a bit of a mare getting things going right today, but its sorted now. I then found out its because its the worse day of the year, or somethink like that. Frankly I think its because I didn't get much sleep.

My blogging is rather sparse right now, am trying to get used to a new pace of life. Work has increased a little, in that I have 3 different projects on the go, and need to rethink how I go about my day-day activities. Am thinking of a split notebook with separators to help, and using Outlook task lists properly.

On top of that the wedding plans are coming along nicely. Sorting the Civil Registry Reception details. The attendance list is looking good thus far. The wedding day itself is down to the icy lady, but am compiling the attendance list and have begun the process of picking an invite card.

The house buying is stalled - the old todger rejected my 3rd offer. This means back to the hunt. Am going to have to widen the area search, since there aren't many properties on sale in the target area right now. Am getting concerned a little about this.

Am keen on ditching some of my stuff. Will find happy recipients of some books and the like amongst friends and family. I am not keen on taking so much of my junk with me to the new house. Want to ensure I don't hoarde continuously.

And finally. If you haven't seen Once Upon A Time In The West - see it. It is, imho, one of the finest films ever made. It is a cinematography gem, with ace soundtrack, fantastic scenery and a wonderful ambience. Sergio Leone is a GENIUS.

I'm in heaven...


[Normal Service will be resumed after this.]

OK, so it wasn't as great as my initial expectation. Guess there is nothing to compare with these:
And I am drooling at the thought of one day getting this:
Back to bed.

Here Comes The Sun...


aka Rant against the Machine.

So, profits. Not the kind that try to make people follow an ideology, but the kind that make suited individuals mega rich. But then again, the former is hardly any different to the latter these days. Anyway, on with the show.

The Profits of Companies vs. What they do for us...
Company --- Profit
Vivendi Universal -- £1.5billion (loaaads)
Sony -- £200m (shocking really)
Tesco -- £2billion (yikes)
BMI (music) -- £400m (record increase - guess filesharing is REALLY bad for business if it induces a record increase in your profits huh)
UK cinema goers revenue -- £840m (up 4% from last year)

I could go on you know. Despite the doom and gloom of filesharing, despite uk farmers going bankrupt, some companies are making millions and even billions in profit. Profit. Not revenue. Profit. Thats excess money. Money that is surplus to operating costs. What to do with those profits? Well, if I were Tesco, i'd lower shed loads of prices, and pay my suppliers something decent for a change. What is the actual point of £2billion in profit? If I were Universal MGM, I'd slowly release some of my crappy films as .avi/.mov files on P2P networks to get momentum going - rather than suing kids for downloading movies.
Oh, and if they are downloading movies, how come there was a 4% increase in cinema revenue (which, incidentally has always been going up).

What we see here, is Capitalism at its fantastic best. I love these movies, I love these songs, and I love the fact that I can go shopping when I want. What I don't like, is to know that I'm being well and truely ripped off - or worse still, some poor sod in Zimbabwe or Chile is working his nuts off to grow my corn or coffee beans, just so that a company can buy them at 2p and sell me them for 80p. You know what? I'd rather they pay him 20p, sell them to me for 80p and only make £1billion in profits.

As for the Movie and Music industries. Oh purleaaase. Do I really want to download Boyzone or Girls Aloud? Heck no, I want decent music. Use the money you get to produce decent music.

Want to know something great? Employees of these companies probably don't see much of this either. Its shared up top in each organisation in million pound bonuses and the like. Fantastic. So, lets see, do I dedicate myself to the advancement and bettering of my social community fabric, or do I don a suit and go for those million pound bonuses so that I can actually contemplate buying a nice house in London? Let me think...


And still the smile continues...


Tis amazing what a little Possitive Mental Attitude can do isnt it? I was determined not to let things get me down this year, especially with so much going on (work, house buying, wedding plans, new family assimilations, financial woes etc.) I was certain I wanted to continue into the year as I entered it. I had a smile on my face, peace in my mind, and joy in my heart. Perspective was my tool to help manage the situation, and a little realisation that FEAR is a lovely thing that reminds me I'm still not yet in full control. And you know what? I am bloody surprised that its still hanging in there.

That pretty much sums up my mental process. I read so much about so many things (see that INFP link stuff on the right to understand why - its eerily accurate for me :-/) and am ever so keen to mould and trim things to fit my weirdness, I end up coming up with what I believe are nicely suited schemes for me to follow. I embark on them, and then urm, well, I urm, let them go the way of the dodo. Mostly that is. I'm pretty tenacious when I really want to be, and I guess the above is an indication that I'm not entirely in full control of that tenacity - it seems to make me do things and leave me utterly surprised that I did it. The amount of times I've put up my head at work and thought - sh*t, did I really pull all that together, I can't have...wow! And though changeofheart may question this, many a times I've suddenly stood deadly still on a football pitch and thought - holy moly, did I really score that/pull that pass out of nowhere!?!

So I'm going to keep at it. PMA - not PMT - and see how it turns out.

Other things that have got my attention since the weekend are:
  • Old men who refuse to sell me their homes because they want more. Oooooh you naughty old fellas, wake up and smell the Coffee - my offer is WICKED!
  • Cromwell Road - where I seem to be spending the entire of January. Nice people really, and its really funny when you bump into people like Frank Lampard (shopping for offers) and really tarted up women who look like supermodels but are pushing a shopping trolley about. Its so incongruent I'm universally amused.
  • The BBC's article on the Swastika - since I saw a mini piece in the Metro this morning that boiled my blood immediately (and ruined my eternal zen like calm - ahem) about the EU wanting to ban the swastika after idiot Harry's escapade. I saw red - its an Indian Symbol as well - ban it and you suddenly tell a million or so indians that the EU is not a multicultural community. I am well glad the BBC produced that article, saved me the bother.
  • The Economists article on schools winning the right to maintain selection processes for children. I'm all for inclusion (being a minority kinds helps) but there is something that is very important to all communities - education. If there is an acknowledgement that some schools suffer with badly behaved and poorly performing children, it makes sense to change the system to help them, rather than stick a potential genius into the midst in the name of points on a league table. Save and Serve all the children, not a school's position on a ladder - thats my motto. I am dubious of Religious schools, even going so far as to ensure IcyChick mentioned this during the Lord Mayors Anglo-Indian conference at City Hall - diversity and integration are wonderful things that can suffer in religious schools, especially if they are ethnically religious.
  • Super Size Me - for reminding me that my food is the building block of my body. I rented it from amazon, and am going to give it to my sister to watch in the hope she gains ideas of how to feed her kids (she's the best cook I know by the way, as is one of my aunts, closely followed by mumsie).
  • Eat and Two Veg - for being a wonderful new addition to my rota of nice restaurants, and for being totally Vegetarian to boot!
  • AC Milan - for giving me hope that they *might* win Serie A :) C'mon you ROSSENERI!
And now, on with the week...

Being for the benefit of Mr Kite and Lord Sainsbury


I have been working in a Sainsbury's Store in posh London all week. Its been a fun adventure, and the reason I went there (technical of course) has a happy ending thus far. There were, however, periods of extreme boredom, that were alleviated largely by the Starbucks implant in the store, and the fact that I wasn't alone - except today that is, when I was there all on my lonesome.

In short, a good week.

Today is also a day of Kite Flying in India. known as Utran. One of the many bits and bobs that occurs today is the flying of lots of Kites and the eating of what I guess you could call 'Thick brownie sized Sesame Seed Snaps' which taste a lot more delicious than my conjurred terminology makes them sound. So of course, Mumsie made some and I was happy to eat some, yum :) [wonder if the icy lady adheres to these ceremonial thingymebobies, we shall see...]

Today is also Friday. So a massive WHOOOPEEE for us all :-D

During my tenure in Sainsbury's I discovered some nice foods (as well as losing my ability to type, write, or think coherently). One of these was a brand of nice Organic Teas - Clipper Teas they're called. White tea, the king of antioxidants, what more can a detoxer want? No idea, since I'm not one...heh.

The wedding preps are moving nicely. We've a venue for the Civil Registry Reception, that holds 220 persons. We've identified our 110 invites, and have asked Icy Lady to do likewise. We've also identified the smaller 25 persons who will attend the Civil Registry itself. I am wondering what I'm going to wear. Jeez, this is not like me at all. :-/

New stuff...well vodafone finally sent me my free phone upgrade, and I've gone all Siemens this half of the year - Siemens S65.
Prince Harry went a bit bezerk and Nazi on us. Stupid kid. And Bush admitted that there weren't any WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction Rape and Pillage and Immediate Devestation to the entire Free World - in case you didn't know what they were or looked like) in Iraq. So there you have it. The the Free world is based on lies and unilateral decisions made by the bulliest person around. Its not *quite* an Authoritarian system you see, since you do have the chance to vote them out, but then again, sometimes that just doesn't work....funny that :-(

Right, time to check my mails and chill out. Here comes the weekend!!!


enthralling stuff


sat here in the cromwell road sainsburys store waiting for some shopping activity in the sty department.
highly exciting stuff. still have a problem with the cold water ring in the upstairs bathroom at home. such a pain.
anyway back to the waiting...

Preparations for a Wedding


Today my family began the process of organising 'The Wedding'. Yep, I'm getting hitched in June, and we set-to on the identification of a Post-Registration Reception Party Hall, as well as caterers, decorations etc. Rather exciting don't you think? I do. After planning silly IT projects for years at work, its a refreshing change to bear down on something different. I'm wondering whether I need to set up a spreadsheet for the costs, what do you think? I've got M$ project too, now wouldn't that be hilarious? I can see it now:

"Yes Mr Caterer, here you see yourself down as an external dependency on our critical path. You need to ensure delivery of your foods, utensils and service personnel at the site at this time on this date, otherwise you cause a slip to the plan that results in a delay of 2 hours that accumulates at a rate of 1:2 for every subsequent hour of delay. So, I'd like a weekly report of your progress and hourly updates on the top of the hour on the day. Understood?"

Reckon that'll wash? I expect a firm slap round the ear and an exclamaition of something profoundly true like "Get a friggin life you moron!" Refreshing. :-)

I'm going to have to get myself a Digital VideoCamera though. My Fuji F610 Digital Camera is being put to warm-up use, and its fantastic. Now I need a dvc. Anyone got any suggestions? I'm thinking of the Sony DCR-TRV265E Digital Camcorder, its cheap, high on the amazon selling list, and a Sony. Wonder if its worth its salt?

I'm trying to avoid politics for at least January. My sister went to the local Police General meeting last week (she's active in the community in various groups) and piqued my interest again. But what I found largely was that small town communities are influenced heavily by commerce - money has and always will be the greatest motivator in life for a large population - and despite any logical argument, convincing facts that argue against proposed plans, huge lobbying by large parts of the resident population, the powers that be in the council still lean towards the business men and favour their plans. So I'm a tad dubious - how in a capitalist community can you balance the good of the people against the good of the economy, when its not entirely obvious (but still true) that they are at odds with eachother? So I'm going to pent up my fury and then unleash it on them in spring I think. Not that I can make a difference, but its good to fight for the Jedi side imho.


First Week Summary


Well, we've come to the end of our first week back at work. Its been a wonderful start to the year. I walked in feeling chirpy, and determined not to let things get me down. This was put to the test many times by those I work with, but I stayed strong. I leant on that resolution today too, the day we got our 6 monthly full appraisal. I expected it to be totally crap as I have previously mentioned, which would have earmarked me for a future cull. I read the printout and was indifferent, it was odd, the blurb indicated I was rather good, but the rating at the end was of the cull-brand-type. When the boss man came back to discuss with me, I queried the dichotomy, and he clarified immediately that the rating system is now different, and I wasn't cull material at all. This was a bit of a relief, since I am about to embark on a house purchase and marriage - last thing I needed was the *have* to look for a new job. I prefer to look on my own volition and my own pace.

Anyway, the week is ending on a good note. I plan to keep to my other New Year Resolutions made after Diwali. I have donated to the Tsunami relief, and have tried to keep positive.

I thought I'd remind myself of them again, and thus have placed them here so that I see them for at least another few days :)

  • I will try even harder than I do to be nicer, wiser and more gentler than I am. I believe this is how I should behave.
  • I will look at discovering my next career move. Its clear that I'm not an android, so I must decide what I am.
  • I will drink the RDA of water every day - my food diary earlier showed that as my only flaw.
  • I will donate a little more to charity than I donated last year.


silence. in memory of those who suffered.



2005 arriveth!


Happy New Year to you all. It certainly has been a taxing Xmas. Amidst the celebrations and respite, we witnessed the devestating impact of Mother Nature herself. The Xmas spirit shone bright, and I'm delighted that we've all dug deep to support those who felt the full force of her impact. Our best regards and wishes to them all.

The festive season also saw me and the lady spend some quality time away in a Cottage in Golden Green, near Tonbridge, Kent. It was a pleasant break, we needed to get away from it all. We also had a lovely Xmas surprise, we received a Fuji FinePix F610 at a bargain basement price (sub £200!) I also received a lovely Zen Chime Alarm Clock for my Birthday. Hopefully every morning will now be a soothing start to the day. Just need a cd of Koans to get the mind thinking too ;-)

Cheers All!

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Weekly musings from a confused mind. This blog, and all posts within it, are just ramblings. They are in no way affiliated with any past, current or future employers. Neither do they represent my deep felt views, or those of my friends or family. Really, its just a blog, which is a new thing, and has new dimensions. So please, dont take anything seriously. If you do, contact me via a comment, and I will get back to you to resolve the situation. Seriously, enjoy life, ignore this blog, and views within it.


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