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Family Man vs. Chief Executive

I don't know what I want to say in this post, but I'm going to start and
it will finish whenever.

For some of you, it will sound like I'm a broken record, in my annual
lull of confidence. However this time its different. For the first time
in my life, I am in a position where I may become unemployed. Deep down
inside of me, I know that this is not a disaster. I know that I am not
my job, I am not my career and that most of my best loved friends are
not the people I currently work with. Thats family man. But there is
this horrible other reality, Chief Executive man. He's telling me that
getting laid off from this particular job is going to set me back a few
years in a career. That the increase in pay and experience will
disappear with it. He's telling me that I will be a failure if I'm

Why is it that society imposes such awful rules on us, rules that are
not intrinsically part of the nature of man? I had this conversation in
passing with a few people over the past weekend. How do we measure each
other, how do we figure out if a person is worth looking up to?

I know exactly how i personally measure someone. And you know what? It
really has nothing at all to do with their job. Why? The best most
wonderful people I know, don't have high flying careers. They reserve
the power and energy in life for their social relationships and
enjoyment of life. And none of that involves luxury cars, fancy toys,
designer clothes or gold cards from airlines or stores.

Yet here I am, the unlikely executive. I really am. I'm working
alongside people who are have the fancy stuff, who live by it, who live
for it. The way they hold themselves, present themselves, and talk even,
all says - wealthy and successful in career. Me, I'm the bloke who still
laughs when he is happy, frowns when he is sad, shakes his head when he
disagrees, and lays every hand on the table whenever its dealt. Work for
me, is a place to do good, not to play politics or games against people.

So, why am I fretting? Because I am totally utterly confused as to what
the f@£$ I should do next? Icy and I talked about me setting up on my
own. I think I'd be a great boss. But I'm lousy at selling, lousy at
being stern and I enjoy things too much. Work would be too much like fun!

What I really want, is a club to join. A club of like minded people who
just need to make a good living, but who have a priority away from work.
The priority of Family Man. I think I know deep down inside who I really
am, who I would wish for if the choice was diametrically opposite and
binary. Maybe that thing called fate, destiny, magic or future, will
show me the way.

Until then, I carry on, trying to be good, trying to be honest, and
trying to be me.

tnn, very unwell with reaction to medication, probably explains the rant.


  1. Blogger Aravis says @ 8:43 pm
    I do hope that you aren't made redundant; no matter how well we have prioritized our lives, financial insecurity is unnerving.

    It sounds like, despite that, you have a wonderful attitude about the whole thing.

    Hope you're feeling better!

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