I know where I am, I'm at the bottom of peak-trough cycle that we all go through. I know whats caused this, its a variety of reasons over time, but this particular breakdown is due to the fact that I'm working with people who don't care about the system design as much as I do and the conflict of values is grating at my very being. I know what to do about it, but I'm finding it very hard to seek out a new company with a good role on offer that matches my various criteria. I know I'll get through it, I have always had a bit of trouble in accepting my current position as I knew the values fit was wrong, but I've stuck through it as its a learning experience that I needed to go through, and I've always been resourceful (read lucky) enough to get through such rutts in the past. I can't worry about everything, so I've basically dropped all my worries about my home life and have convinced myself that Icy can take care of them, and even if they aren't taken care of, I really cannot spare the mental energy to do it all right now without breaking or becoming someone I don't want to be; I am learning to just let things go and not care, both at work and home.

So you see, I am very annoyed, I am very tired, and I'm very disillusioned with both whats going on in the world and in my life.

But I've got through such things in the past, and I'm going to get through such things in the future, and I know my life is a billion times better than millions of people out there in the big bad world.

However, I do need time to mope and to just recooperate...so I may just give up on a few things, to let me focus my energies on the key lifeforce systems that keep me going.

This hasn't just happened, its been creeping up on me for a few years now, as a couple of people I know and have been moaning to about these things will testify - but I've not hit the event horizon. Something has to happen...and one of these things is that I have to reprioritise and get on with it, so that life will eventually return to normal, whatever the new normal will be.

So until then...be good, be peaceful, be free.


--
tnn

Posted 3/03/2006.

Comments:

1.  The Num Num says @ 10:11 am
   And if this wasn't enough...my horrorific scope says:
   
   
   Overview: The people closest to you have suddenly become total drama mamas, so you may have to be your own cheering section when it comes to a tricky endeavor. Go ahead and give yourself a little boost.
   
   
   Daily work (by Astrology.com)
   You have considerably more influence over your career path than you realize, and any effort you expend right now will have a much more pronounced and rapid effect than you expect. -
   
   Monthly career (by Astrology.com)
   This month you really focus on your career. As you set off on this exploration the 1st and 2nd, don't forget that your career is an important part of your life. A crucial part of your project this month is figuring out how to integrate your work and your personal life. That means considering things that aren't related to work -- your free time, your friends, your love life -- in tandem with your career path. You can do it! You might be surprised by what you find on the 6th, when one insight after another comes to you with razor-sharp clarity. On the 10th, watch out for a plain old 'work problem' at work. And don't take it out on your honey-bunny when you get home! On the 15th and 16th, roll up your sleeves and plunge into work changes. Entertain a crazy idea (or two) on the 21st. It might just work down the road! On the 27th and 28th, get creative and see what happens. -
   
   Monthly fitness (by Astrology.com)
   You're thinking about safety and security in general on the 1st. Why not underscore those concerns with a little physical grounding? Whether you go for a long walk or do a yoga series, take time to get your feet on the ground as the month begins. On the 5th and 6th, keep your workouts focused, and you won't have anything to worry about as far as mental clarity is concerned. On the 11th, a tough day at work might make you feel like skipping your jog and indulging in a donutfest. Here's a better idea: Reward yourself with a donut for doing your workout! Try something new on the 15th and 16th, whether it's drinking fresh carrot juice or taking a dance class. On the 21st, you accomplish all kinds of things you didn't think you could, physically and maybe emotionally. Get creative with your fitness on the 26th and 27th. Why not try body painting?
   
   
   Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
   You're all set up for an extremely romantic evening -- and if you're lucky, it could last for quite some time. A neighbor or sibling -- someone you haven't seen in a while -- will likely want to have a serious heart-to-heart conversation. Go ahead. Don't worry about ruining the reunion. Once you two have decided where you're at, where you were before, and where you're going now, you'll end up being a lot closer than you were 'back in the day.'
2.  Aravis says @ 8:59 pm
   Best of luck as you sort everything out and learn to let go. I know how difficult that can be, and I wish you the best!
3.  Damo says @ 3:44 pm
   Come visit soon.
4.  LB says @ 8:31 pm
   Ups and downs, peaks and troughs are all part of the grand tapestry, my friend. You do sound as if you are at least aware of this, which is half the battle.
   
   Hope things turn round for you soon. One piece of advice: keep talking about it with the people that care about you.

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