I have been slack of late, due largely to the situation at work. I'm now looking after three rather different projects, in different stages of their lifecycle, and to be totally honest, I'm not yet fully up to speed on how to deal with it. Coming from a background of having only one project to deal with, to being in a position where the Central nature of my role and skills means I'm farmed out to avariety of projects, the transition to juggling skills has not quite been smooth. I was the first to admit this, and am trying to find my feet and what I would call my own personal style. I constantly remind myself of this fact "people pretend to know more than they do". Its very true you know, at least in the environment I'm in. People portray a position of calm and knowledge far beyond the real situation they are in. I on the other hand, am rather transparent. If I look worried, its because I am. If I look calm, its because I am. If I look confused, its bcause I am - and thats how I look a lot these days. I am being asked to test a newly manufactured device, so beyond having release 1.0 of its firmware, its first of its kind off a manufacturing belt. How on earth do I test that? My solution - leave em on for a month and if they break, thats bad, if they don't , thats good.

Anyway, other than that, I have had nothing back from the Estate agents that "sell houses that are not reall for sale". My offer on a 4 bed house, which was only 5 % less than asking price, was rejected. The house is still for sale, and I doubt if he'll get a better offer unless the market picks up. There aren't anymore houses for sale in Oakwood anymore, so I'm now going back to my first old hunting ground of Pinner/Harrow. I seem to have upped my budget a bit, in a bit of a rush of blood to my head, and I realise I can get a decent place for that now. So the emails have been registered, and the hunt resumes again. Pants.

The wedding plans are going ok so far, though I'm having a mare of a time with a silly bugger (I seem to attract these) who is trying to change the terms of a contract on me. I am seriously thinking of taking him down, but most likely will have to find another venue for a reception bloody damn fast if he is obstinate enough to continue to try to pull the wool over my eyes. The world is full of em init.

Met an old mate from my early ICL days last night. He went on a bit of a train journey before he got to Waterloo, going a full 53 miles in a round trip, when he started just a couple away in Clapham, but after that we had a good time yapping away about - hark - meta physics, work, business strategy, house prices, ales, bush, and software engineering. What a lot for a late evening! I just about managed to get the Very Last Train home - 23:53, and realised that the new timetable is kak.

Back to work...
--
dp

Posted 2/02/2005.

Comments:

1.  Damo says @ 8:52 pm
   I, too, am transparent and got a bit of a kicking for it in my recent appraisal. They didn't have a bad word to say for me except to say that I had to be 'less negative'. I got this last time as well.
   
   I have been negative in the past, but to hear it now at work INFURIATES me. Negative is 'this place is crap', 'nothing will ever change', 'it's just the way things are'. Negative is thinking something's bad and keeping it to yourself. Or even worse, not keeping something to yourself and not doing something about it. I do not see any way this could be applied to my approach to my job. Negative to them stops at the fact that I may have expressed displeasure with things that go on. And sometimes that can be true - I know habitual moaners at work. Not saying I'm perfect... if I was I'd be at a better company but ... look ... if you don't know me you'll have to take my word for it.
   
   And before anyone asks, I've applied for 5 jobs so far this year. Which probably isn't enough!
   
   Part of me longs for project work and I never thought I'd say that. I work in a support role, which means any phone call, e-mail or personal approach in turn means that something somewhere is wrong. To run the risk of constantly being in trouble every second of every day is not good for the soul. Example: last night we received a call from our Helpdesk at 4.30pm. I got an earful at 8am the next morning because it hadn't been addressed on the spot. To put that in context: today I had to compose over 50 e-mails on, ooh, at least 10 different matters, and handle about 20 phone calls. And sometimes one comes in which leads to trouble if it's not addressed instantly. And sometimes ten such items come in. Within a few minutes of each other. And the conundrum is 'what order do I prioritise these in, to be in the least trouble over the least number of things?'
   
   Against that backdrop, I keep the smile to the forefront at all times, get the tea in and generally act my age. So being told I'm good all the time, followed by the 'negative' comment every six months from someone who barely talks to me in between (and he would if things were REALLY going wrong) leads to... rants like this.
   
   I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You and Mr Swiss have both brought memories, past and present, to the forefront of my mind. And I had a few minutes spare.
2.  Damo says @ 10:55 pm
   I wrote a long and impassioned response to this. For some reason it hasn't appeared.
3.  Damo says @ 10:56 pm
   ...and posting that comment has made said response appear - after countless refreshes didn't.
4.  Jenni says @ 5:26 am
   I, too, am transparent. I would rather put my energy into actually figuring things out than into covering up the fact that I don't know what the heck is going on. This has also led me to situations like what Damo described, where if I see something is wrong, I point it out and I want to correct it.
   
   Unfortunately, my last job was with a wonderful organization that never ever wanted to make any improvements whatsoever (and thus had an 80% turnover rate/year for the past 2 years). Eventually, it got to the point that I was literally feeling ill at the thought of going to work and dealing with tons of solvable problems that people refused to solve. And so now, I'm unemployed and hopefully heading back to school in the fall...otherwise it's back to the rat race.
   
   I don't know if this comment even helps at all, but like Damo I had a bit of time and what you and he had to say struck a chord.
5.  Aravis says @ 6:51 am
   I'm deliberately transparent. If I don't know something, I'm going to ask about it. Then I can move forward with confidence. Nothing worse than fudging it and getting it all horribly wrong! This was especially the case with my last job, caring for kids with disabilities. None of them could speak and I needed to know their ongoing care plans so I could make sure they were properly looked after. If I didn't have that info, I had to hunt down the people who did and receive a report. If a kid dislocated his hip and needed to be turned in bed a certain way as a result, we needed to know. But I would be that way no matter the job. I don't know if I'm paranoid or a perfectionist, or both.
   
   At any rate, you all have my sympathies and I hope that you find the jobs and the school that you dream of!:0)
6.  The Num Num says @ 10:05 pm
   You guys are spot on, you have what I'd call a very decent and true outlook on life. Though this doesn't always bring material wealth, I think it brings something much more important - very good honest decent friends.
   
   I wouldn't give away my friends for anything. They are largely similar and decent.
   
   Good luck with School J, what you going to read?

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